Other People's Stories

Josh's Story

My best mate, Adam, died a couple of years ago. He killed himself. We'd been friends since school, through uni and then shared a flat for a few years when we first started working. We had a great time together in those years, going out, playing music, we tried to start a band at one point when we were at school. They were great days. We could talk to each other about stuff like girls and life, but mostly we'd just do stuff together.

We didn't see each other as much in the last few months before he died; I'd just moved into a place with my girlfriend. But we'd meet up regularly for a drink and a night out or sometimes go to the footy if we felt like it.

I feel bad that he died. He hadn't had a girlfriend for a while and he mentioned a while ago that he was having a hard time; he wouldn't tell me what it was about but he had something on his mind. I didn't tell anyone about it, I thought he'd be OK, but maybe I should have asked more or told someone.

One of his sisters told me that Adam was gay so I guess this is what was on his mind. I wish he'd told me. I like to think I would have been OK with it. His parents weren't OK about it and apparently there'd been arguments.

When it came to the funeral it was really tough. I think his mum and day felt ashamed. Probably because it was suicide or maybe that he was gay. They found it hard but suicide wasn't mentioned at the funeral or that he was gay so it was all kept under wraps. The music they had and some of the things they said - it was hard to think it was Adam, but they didn't seem to be able to let us make suggestions or help out, they were so upset.

A lot of people don't think we're hurting too; they think that we'll just get over it but I know me and a few other mates are having a hard time of it. We get together on the anniversary and drink a toast to him and we wish he was still around. Things aren't the same without him and we think we let him down. If only he knew that we would have stuck with him. Makes you more aware of how other mates are going and we pay more attention now when someone's having a hard time.